If I were a movie, what one would I be?

Ok, it is true. I have been so busy recently that I have resorted to Pre-fab blogisms - sorry. The tests are fun, and hmmm, do they tell the truth? Can you handle the truth!?. Let us see.

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

With or With out Pulp?

Am I surprised? No, not truly...

You are the king of smooth -- enough said. Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.

I laughed, I almost, almost cried.

The folowing was lifted from an e-mail I received. Now, I can attest to the findings of this report as I have been T.A.S.E.R.'d , lets just call it a work related event. When I read this I laughed so hard I almost had tears joging down my face. any way Here is the stolen story:

My wife was fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something like, “Well, I have FINALLY outdone myself.” No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a Life Time movie in the near future.

Here goes: Last weekend I spied something at a pawn shop that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my “fancy” is easily tickled.) I bought something really cool for my wife. The occasion was our 32nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweet girl. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-Lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety.

You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, google eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you’ve never seen one of these things in action, then you’re truly missing out–way too cool!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the damn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed.

Upon reading the directions (REAL men don’t need any stinkin’ directions), I found, much to my chagrin, that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I’d get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee!!!

I’m easily amused, but for your information, I have yet to explain to my girl what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, etc There I sat in my recliner, my dog looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, reading, not the dog) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping the dog for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet pup, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want SOME assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time.

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

All the while I’m looking at this little device (measuring about 5″ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, “no friggin’ way!”

Friggin’ way!!! Trust me, but I’m getting ahead of myself. What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best. You have a pretty good idea of what followed.

I’m sitting there, alone, the dog looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, “Don’t do it buddy,” reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny ‘ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn’t you agree?).

I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight– always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don’t ya just hate that?)

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY SWIS CHEESE! I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body-slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples singed, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. The dog was standing over me, making sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, “Do it again! Do it again!” (Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You are NOT going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you’re lucky, you won’t wedge one of the prongs 1/4″ deep in your thigh like yours truly.)

SON-OF-A-Motherless Goat, that hurt! A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 8 ounces give or take an ounce. By the way, has anyone seen my testicles?

I think they flew away. I’m offering a reward. Yours Truly.

some wording has been modified, for the more sensitive {Mom would be proud}. Just a side note on a real T.A.S.E.R. (Tom A Swift Electric Rifle) you do get a great spark display, helps folks know that you mean business. There was no disorenitation just a feeling of "MAN, don't let me tork that thing off".
I laughed I almost cried, Hay what are these 2 little probes, awwwww shucks.... time to say hi to sparkie... TVG

They are coming to take me away!

Ok, not really however there are days - there days... I have been away recently, and it was great! Road trips are a wonderful thing. I may even post some pics later. I am pleasantly surprised by a gift of the Sony PSP. This is a nice little device: Movie viewer, Picture viewer, MP3 player, Portable Game Player, portable fun.
The screen is sharp, I mean crystal clear. The availability of games and videos is improving and they are fun to play. I mostly use it for the MP3 and Photo display. If you are looking for a portable gaming device, go for it, if you can buy it and not eat soup and peanut butter sandwiches for the next 6 months. TVG

Honestly?

You Are Very Honest

You tell it like it is, no matter what. Even if the truth hurts, you'll dish it out. And while some may get hurt by your honesty... At least everyone knows where you stand!

How Honest Are You?

What does your Birth Day Mean

Your Birthdate: June 3rd

Being born on the 3rd day of the month is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life. The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental. There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, "couldn't care less" attitude. You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression. Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing. You are energetic and always a good conversationalist. You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters. You are affectionate and loving, but sometimes too sensitive. You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?